the fourth trimester.

they say the first week is the hardest. we've made it there, with flying colors.

it didn't take long to get accustomed to our two, sometimes three hour naps, that seemed to come almost natural. we fell pretty quickly into a routine of me feeding and daddy changing your diapers. my bones are healing. i'm still tender from our frequent hour long nursing sessions, but i hear that should pass in the up coming week or so. you latched on so naturally. you have been so helpful, the intuitive way you'll ask for another feeding, that sometimes seems to come all too quickly. you sleep right next to me. even if i put you at a distance so i can sleep a little better, i'm always softly awakened to the feeling of a little warm body next to mine and the sound of innocent whimpers and grunts that let me know it's time for you to eat again. you have the sweetest little voice.

this past week has been full of adventures and unexpected trials. after you came earth side, there were things nobody tells you, nobody talks about. i had not expected to need so much help. i needed a hand walking to the bathroom for the next couple of days in order not to fall. standing up and walking, just the short distance to the restroom, made my heart race and my breath quicken. my bones that had birthed you were sore for a few days which made getting out of bed and walking a slow and sometimes difficult task. maybe it was ignorance, but i had expected to feel back to normal much sooner. i had also not been prepared for the vicious chills that came in the night, the fever that came after, and then waking up in a salty wet bed. i had felt like superwoman. it was such a high, finally bringing you into the world, but that invincible feeling left all too quickly. i had not expected to be so fragile.

i feared i would be devastated over the loss of the girl i used to be. maybe that's yet to come. i feel like the same person, which is a welcome surprise. so maybe that feeling won't come. i had been warned about what an emotional wreck i could become. i have held the saddest of tears in my eyes. heart breaking sobs over simple upsets. i've also laughed to the point of tears several times. and loved stronger than i ever thought possible.

they say you'll never know a love as strong as the love you have for your child. i now know how true that is.